this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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