Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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