I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
