like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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