Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
