I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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