Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
And then he peed in my hair
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