a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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