i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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