I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
