one two three fourrrrnication!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
