i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
