see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
COCAINE IS GR8
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
