No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
