My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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