Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
how can u be prego again
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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