so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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