matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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