Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
