I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
