When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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