I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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