my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
