Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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