the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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