If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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