Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
