So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
