you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
