So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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