My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need water and some morals
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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