Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It was a blind-side dick pic.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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