he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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