wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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