drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
