I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
