so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize