for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
