I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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