i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
