I think I won the penis lottery.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
