I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
