I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
