Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
