Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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