you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
