she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My vagina is officially offended.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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