god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
