he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the liver wants what the liver wants
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
