While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
