Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
