And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
