Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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