the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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