I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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