Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just found puke in my bra..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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